How to Improve Your Relationship in 60 Seconds

Self-regulation is one of the most underrated tools for improving relationships. I'm going to explain why, and give you the simplest, fastest practice for incorporating it into your life.

Have you ever been in an argument with a loved one and said or done something you regret? Gotten confused, overwhelmed, instinctively shut down or reactively yelled? Or have you looked back on an interaction and thought, 'wow I thought I was fine in the moment, but I see now that I wasn't myself'?

This is normal. Nothing is wrong with you. You were just emotionally dysregulated and reacting in the best way you knew how, given your physiological and psychological state at that time.

What happens...

When we experience an intense emotional reaction, our amygdala hijacks our brain. This activates our sympathetic nervous system and sends us into a fight or flight response.

When we are in fight or flight, our prefrontal cortex (our "thinking brain") is essentially offline. Meaning, we don't have access to effective problem solving skills.

This means we're reactive in the moment and stuck in a state which inhibits our ability to fully listen or connect with another human—both of which are essential for repair.

What to do...

Breathe. Our breath connects our body and mind, and it's one of the most potent self-regulation tools. When we breathe intentionally, it activates our parasympathetic nervous system, which shifts us out of fight or flight and gets our prefrontal cortex back online so we are able to problem solve.

Try practicing this technique right now and I guarantee you'll notice a physiological shift in your body.

Inhale through the nose for a count of 4 seconds.

Exhale out through the mouth for a count of 8 seconds.

Repeat 5x.

Self-regulation creates the space between experiencing a feeling and acting on it. If you master self-regulation, you will, without a doubt, improve your relationships and grow as an individual.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Repeat.

Notice what shifts.