Why Do We Judge People at Their Worst, Rather Than at Their Best?

I read a story about Albert Einstein recently—it may or may not be true, but it's stuck with me nonetheless.

One day Albert Einstein solved multiples of the number 9 on a blackboard. When he got to 9x10, he wrote "=91" instead of 90 and the class erupted in laughter. The group relentlessly mocked him for his mistake.

Einstein waited for everyone to quiet and said: ′′Despite me answering the first 9 questions correctly, no one congratulated me. Instead, when I got one wrong, everyone started laughing. This means that despite being very successful, society will only notice the smallest mistake and make fun of it. Don't let simple criticism destroy your dreams."

The lesson taken from this story and toted with it on the internet is "only those who do nothing don't make mistakes." Great lesson, but that's not why this story stuck with me—it's the psychology behind it that did. I found myself wondering: why is it that we judge people so harshly when they are at their worst? Why did Albert Einstein making a simple mistake revoke his status and respect as a genius that day?

Einstein's response touches on something important: we as a society seem to expect—even demand—perfection. We seem to take one mistake or (subjectively deemed) "bad" part of someone and apply it to the whole.

I've seen quotes on Instagram that reinforce this thinking in a different way. Phrases like "you see people's true colors when they're angry" or "if you really want to know someone, get them mad." I can see how we might fall for this thinking when I read them—it's persuasive, and we are a blame culture.

But how and why are we saying and believing things like this? Humans are complex beings, we all know this firsthand because we've all experienced the full spectrum of emotions that comes with having a human experience. Given this understanding, how is it that we so frequently see one part of others and confuse it for the whole?

I read "if you really want to know someone, get them mad" and want to ask: have you ever been mad? Have you ever done something you regret or aren't proud of when you were upset? Do you believe that is the best representation of your true character, or is it the worst?

My guess is, your behavior when you're angry is not an accurate representation of the truth of you, of who you are at your core. My guess is that in those moments, you'd say you are the least yourself.

I believe that if we all took the time to get to know someone and consider the full spectrum of their character, we'd almost always judge differently.

I pray for a world where we define others not by their mistakes or their wrongdoings, but by the full essence of their character. I pray we define them by sum of their parts, instead of confusing one part for the whole. And, at the very least, I pray we give each other grace while we figure it out.